The Full Spectrum
Volume 1 Issue 5 May 2005

In Focus: Conflict Management

Welcome

Welcome to the first Full Spectrum issue on Conflict Management. The opportunities for effecting positive change for individuals and within an organization by learning, honing and using conflict management skills are tremendous. The trouble is that the skills must also be used and practiced in order to be effective. Earlier this month I was facilitating a training on this topic and during a portion on communication skills had a participant remind her colleagues of just that: “This is not easy to do in the moment”, she said. How right she is! Effective conflict management takes practice, hard work, and consistency. If we take the opportunity to practice some of the skills in various aspects of our lives, soon they become second nature; just part of the way we do things. The article this month offers some additional suggestions of steps to take to help ensure you use the skills consistently. Whether they are new suggestions or reminders, take a chance and give one of them a try!

If you have a question or a story that you’d like to share with us, please drop us a line at Inquiries@kscopic.ca.

Start Well, End Well

Managers spend up to 20% of their time managing conflict¹. That is the equivalent of one full day per week that could be spent on other tasks. There are a number of ways to decrease that 20%, however since it will likely not be eliminated, this article focuses on what you can do as a manager to increase the effectiveness of that time. If you are going to have to spend some time resolving conflicts in your workplace or on your team, how can you make best use of that time? The keys are in the start and the finish.

The following tips are outlined as though you, the manager, is a third party who is helping facilitate a conflict resolution (CR) process between two or more of your team members. The tips can also be used to prepare for a process you are participating in directly.

Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail

Many business owners will have heard this phrase in relation to getting a new product or service off the ground and maintaining business growth. In the case of conflict management this principle holds true as well. By doing some advance planning prior to the CR process, you can often decrease the time it takes to resolve an issue as well as increasing the effectiveness of that resolution. To plan a CR process meeting consider the following questions:

What makes these individuals want to sit down and resolve this conflict?
Where do they disagree most strongly? Where is their common ground?
What hot buttons or triggers might come up?
Are there any assumptions that have been made that are contributing to the issue?
Do I, as a ‘neutral’ third party, have any biases, goals or investment in the outcome of this process?

Being prepared for some of the above can save time in the process as you can also plan for how to handle it. Make some notes if that is helpful for you. They will be for your eyes only. Consider not only the answers to the questions listed but take each answer a step further and think about where it might take you during the actual process. For example, if the only reason these individuals are sitting down is because company policy states that they must meet face-to-face when they have a conflict, they might not participate in good faith. If one or the other of them does something to sabotage the process, how will you handle it?

In Person

Once you have prepared yourself for the meeting, schedule a time for both individuals to come in. You now have a second opportunity to increase the effectiveness of the process. As a facilitator, the opportunity to set the tone of the meeting is yours. Set a positive tone to encourage the participants to contribute and work hard for a resolution. This step is simple: tell them something positive or encouraging that you have observed about them coming to the process. For example:

“I appreciate both of you taking the time out of your schedules to resolve this.”
“Thanks for your commitment to resolving this conflict.”
“It’s great that you’ve both agreed to be here today.”
“Being here today demonstrates your commitment to this team – thanks.”
“It takes courage to sit down together to work out a conflict. I appreciate the effort you’re both making.”

Choose phrasing that will sound sincere as you say it. You will know what will resonate the most with your team. Regardless of exactly what you choose to say, the positive impact that can result can breakdown resistance to the process and help everyone commit to resolving the conflict.

Finally, plan for follow up. It took a lot of courage for the individuals to sit down with you in the first place, never mind how difficult it was coordinating three busy schedules! Plan for a time to check in with both of them individually, and suggest they get together to do the same. The follow up does not need to be formal. Rather than hold it in your office, you may choose to have a coffee with each of them. The important point is to schedule some time to discuss the resolution that was arrived at in the meeting, and to make sure it is still working for both people. If something is not working, you can nip it in the bud before it escalates again.

Conflict itself is not a bad thing but sometimes how we deal with it is not effective. As a manager, you have the opportunity to help your team handle it better from initially planning the meeting to setting a positive tone to ensuring follow up. You lead in this process will also serve as a good example for their next conflict, and maybe they won’t need you the same way. Here’s to increased productivity!

¹Conflict Mediation Services of Downsview, Conflict Management Skills Workbook, 2004.

If decreasing that 20% is your goal,

drop us a line at Inquiries@kscopic.ca to see how we can help!

Word Games - I Statement vs. I Message

As you may know, speaking from “I” is a powerful way to communicate. It helps the other person hear what you are saying without feeling defensive, which ensures your message gets heard. There are two ways of speaking from “I” that are useful in different situations.

The I Statement is a sentence starting with “I” that is a request or directive. For example, “I need you to make 75 copies of each of these items for distribution at the meeting.” The person receiving the message does not likely have much of a choice about whether to make the copies or not, but is probably more receptive to the task and to you than if you had stated it as following: “Make 75 copies of each of these.”

An I Message on the other hand, is a tool that can be really useful when initiating a difficult conversation with someone, for example around being late to a meeting. For example, “I find it frustrating when you arrive late to a meeting because it’s disruptive.” A good I Message is the beginning of a conversation about the issue and the person using it pauses after they deliver it, in order to hear what the other person has to say. However, it is also useful if the deliverer has also thought of what they might like to see as the outcome of the conversation. Would they like the person to try to arrive on time the next day / week / month? Would they like a phone call if the person is going to be late? Having thought about this ahead of time ensures that when they get to the problem-solving stage, there will be somewhere to go.

Using "I" can improve your communication with others particularly in conflict situations. Choose either a Statement or a Message, depending on the context and your goals.

Case Example: Creating a New Team Culture

An experienced manager had just begun working in a new organization when he realized how destructively the team was used to handling conflict. There was a good deal of gossip, assumptions and outright hostility between staff members. His direct reports did not seem to see a problem with the behaviours and at times seemed even to fuel them. He knew that he needed both to act quickly and decisively – this was his opportunity to change the work culture on the team.

At the next scheduled staff meeting he changed the agenda. The only thing on it was ‘team culture’. He explained that the he had observed some destructive behaviours in his short time as manager and that this meeting would be used to decide, as a team, how they would like to work together in the future. The results of the meeting were being recorded and would form a ‘team culture’ document that he would be distributing to all staff, sharing with new team members as they were hired, and posting on the staff board as a reminder. He outlined a few requirements that he had and proceeded to facilitate a discussion about which other values the team members felt should be reflected in the document.

Initially, the staff were a little reluctant to contribute but as the meeting progressed they did begin to talk about what it was like to work in such an environment, and to make some suggestions for change. When the document was finished and posted, the manager’s job of monitoring the situation was aided by some of the staff members who began to challenge each other when the new culture was not being followed. The meeting involving the whole team, and the follow up by the manager and other team members meant that the team culture was eventually changed for the better.

For more information on using a facilitated process with your team, contact Kaleidoscopic at Inquiries@kscopic.ca

Team Tip

Interpersonal conflict on a team can end up affecting all team members. Prevent and manage conflicts effecitvely by laying out clear expectations. While it may be easier to outline your expectations as a manager or supervisor when you first begin a position, you can set some parameters at any time. These can include:

No gossip
Don’t get involved as a third person (‘triangling’ the conflict)
Speak directly to the person you are in conflict with
Ask for help from a neutral third party if necessary

Asking your team for any other guidelines that might be important to them will increase buy-in as you create a new team culture.

If you would like to help your team achieve peak performance, contact Kaleidoscopic at

416-238-7454 or send a note to Inquiries@kscopic.ca.

Next Month "In Focus" - Teambuilding