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The Full Spectrum
Volume 1 Issue 7 July 2005
In Focus: Effective Communication
Welcome
I am a beginning golfer. One of the things that I was oriented to early on was golf etiquette. For those who do not play, there is an elaborate set of rules that govern not only how the sport is played but also how you wait for your turn and when your turn is depending on whether or not you are playing ‘ready golf’. While up to four golfers begin a hole at the same time, they may each hit the ball a different distance so communication is often non-verbal. It is important to know the rules ahead of time or you risk being misunderstood or sending a message unintentionally merely by the actions you take on the golf course.
Communication off the course is risky too. When we have not been clear in sending our message, or when we receive a message that does not make sense, how we react can resolve a misunderstanding or can send us into a spiral of conflict. This month assumptions and clearing them up are the main foci. Here’s to clear communication!
If you have a question or a story that you’d like to share with us, please drop us a line at Inquiries@kscopic.ca.
Assuming the Worst
When team members do not communicate openly with each other, misunderstandings arise. People begin to make assumptions about what the other team members’ words or actions mean, and they act on those assumptions. Often the conflict spirals downward from there. How can you help as a manager or observer of this spiral? Start with questioning the assumptions.
As Bill McFarlan notes in Drop the Pink Elephant, the problem with assuming is that “it jumps to a conclusion that may well be false because it considers communication to be complete when it’s only just started.” Assumptions are made about someone’s behaviour or words, and often start with phrases such as “S/he obviously…” or “I thought that…” Assumptions are derived from meaning assigned to an individual’s actions or words. In other words, we make assumptions based on the effect that someone’s actions or words have on us. Suppose someone tells you that they really liked your report: “Hey, great report last week.” If the effect is positive, for example, if you take what they say as a sincere compliment, then you will assume that this is also the way that they meant it. If however, the effect is negative, for example, if you question the sincerity of the statement, then you will also assume that they meant it negatively. In both instances, assumptions are being made about the intent behind the person’s words. Since we do not often state our intentions prior to delivering a message, [“I mean this sincerely and hope that the effect of what I am about to tell you is received in a positive light: I liked your report last week.”] there is room for misinterpretation.
As the speaker, we can often catch a glimpse of the misunderstanding by observing the recipient’s reaction. If someone recoils or glares at you when you think you have delivered a compliment, check in with them to clarify your intention (see ‘Word Games’ for a suggestion on how to do this effectively). The reaction may not always be obvious though so keep your eye out for other signs that your message was not communicated clearly. If you are the recipient of the message and find yourself reacting negatively, before you act on your assumptions, check with the speaker to see if that is actually the way they meant the comment. It can be as simple as asking for clarification and paraphrasing your understanding of the comment: “I’m not sure I understood. Did you mean…?” Regardless of who takes the initiative to clear up the intention behind the offending words or actions, doing so in a timely manner can mean the difference between a small misunderstanding and a full-blown conflict. In other words, keep communicating!
For more information on holding a communication workshop at your workplace, contact Kaleidoscopic at Inquiries@kscopic.ca
Word Games - Maybe It's Me
Have you ever had a flash of insight, in a conversation, that what you said was misunderstood? To clear up a misunderstanding, how do you begin? Consider the following two sentence starters:
“I think you misunderstood. What I’m saying is…”
“I don’t think I was clear; let me try again.”
In the first sentence, the listener could respond defensively, feeling blamed for the misunderstanding: “I understood just fine. You’re the one who…” Since communication takes two, anything you can do to make it easier for the recipient to hear you increases the chance your message will be heard and understood.
The second starter takes the onus off of the listener and puts it on you: “I must not be explaining myself well. I’ll try to correct it now.” Taking responsibility for clearly communicating your point allows the listener to just listen, and gives you the chance to explain your point again without putting the other person on the defensive.
Case Example: Bridging the Differences
A number of years ago a team I was managing ran into communication difficulties. The team was comprised of only 15 members. Some individuals socialized outside of work and therefore knew each other in a different context. They shared more rapport with each other than with the rest of the team. The team soon started showing signs of divisiveness, particularly about how to respond to a specific group of clients.
As a manager observing, I could see that assumptions that were being made based on actions that each group was observing. I realized that in order to prevent the assumptions from escalating into conflict, the group needed to discuss their different approaches openly. I advised the group that at the next team meeting we would be having a facilitated discussion about the challenges inherent in the specific client group that seemed to be posing the most difficulty. The advance preparation was necessary for the introverts especially and meant that each person came to the meeting ready to articulate their concerns.
While some of the individuals had expressed anxiety at participating in the facilitation, by the end of the meeting I could practically see the light bulbs illuminating as assumptions were clarified. The looming conflict was dissolved because understanding replaced assumptions. Without exception, the team members expressed relief that the issues had been discussed and resolved. They felt the team was stronger because of it and their subsequent interactions confirmed it.
Team Tip
Open communication builds trust. Encourage your team – at all levels – to be as transparent as possible about their actions and intentions behind the action to increase understanding and trust on the team. An open atmosphere can be implicitly fostered through organizational culture or explicitly created such as by holding an open forum. How will you encourage open communication?
If you would like to help your team achieve peak performance, contact Kaleidoscopic at
Next Month "In Focus" - Teambuilding |
