Any strength, if overused, can become a liability. This is also true of this tool we call "thinking." As the pace picks up and our thinking becomes more complex, it become that much more difficult to quiet our minds--a common complaint today.
Listening is a skill of primary importance to facilitators, managers and other leaders. When we're listening to someone and our minds are chattering away thinking of what we're going to say next or what is next on our to do list, how well are we really listening?
Is it possible to listen without thinking? Or is listening simply the act of "not talking?" Real listening is about presence. And thinking impedes your presence.
Rather than waxing theoretical any further on this subject, which would just engage you in more thinking, let me leave you with an exercise to try on your own to get an experience of listening without thinking. The exercise below is called the "Voice Mirror."
The Voice Mirror
The “Voice Mirror is a key tool to helping you stay attentive when listening to others, especially with the numerous distractions and demands in your environment--not to mention the distractions inside your head. The “Voice Mirror” provides a method for tuning out your expectations, assumptions and past history, which interrupts your ability to be present and to listen. Here is how you can learn the technique:
STEP 1. Turn on a radio talk show or the television. Select one voice and begin whispering the words of the speaker at the same time the speaker says them, matching them word for word. (This is mirroring, not mimicking, repeating or echoing.)
STEP 2. As you become more comfortable practicing this, drop the sound and continue to move your mouth, matching/mirroring the words.
STEP 3. Eventually, move the mirror into your mind, so that your thoughts match word-for-word (without external sound or movement) what the speaker is saying. Practice both with eyes open and eyes closed.
Don’t rush through these steps—this type of focused listening is not an easy habit to acquire and will take effort and practice. Until you learn how to do it “silently” (in your head), you may want to continue your practice privately with the radio or television.
After you are comfortable with this new tool, you can use it any time you feel your mind start to chatter or wander. Most people find they only need to “Voice Mirror” for 15 to 30 seconds to tune right back in to the speaker.
Adapted from Using the Voice Mirror to Listen Without Thinking in the February 21, 2006 edition of the Master Facilitator Journal by Steve Davis. Used with permission. Note: Exercise submitted by Sue Walden, Founder and Director of ImprovWorks, a U.S., not-for-profit organization dedicated to building Life Skills through Improvisation.
About the Author
Steve Davis, M.A., M.S., is an Facilitator's Coach, Infoprenuer, and free-lance human, helping facilitators, organizational leaders, educators, trainers, coaches and consultants present themselves confidently, access their creativity, empower their under-performing groups, enhance their facilitation skills, and build their business online and offline. Does leading or participating in groups frustrate you? Subscribe to his free weekly ezine at www.MasterFacilitatorJournal.com and contact him here to schedule a free exploratory coaching session. ©2005. Steve Davis, www.MasterFacilitatorJournal.com. All rights reserved.
