Have
you ever tried to resolve a conflict only to have the solution break
down and have the issue 'boomerang' right back at you? You are not
alone in this frustrating and discouraging experience.
Solutions break down when the actual issue - the underlying reason for the conflict - is not addressed.
Whether
you are a party in the conflict or a third party mediator, it is
critical to the success of the solution that you resolve what actually
needs resolving. In other words, if your solution addresses only the
presenting issue, then the solution will only 'stick' for that
presenting issue. To resolve the overall conflict, address the
underlying reason for the conflict. Consider this case:
Self-Managed Conflict
Within
a collaborative working group sometimes there is no defined 'leader',
however, typically someone will step into that role. In this case, the
group member who ended up in the leader role felt a sense of
responsibility for the outcomes of group meetings, and decided she
would rather not meet as a group but instead meet one-on-one to
continue the work.
Reader: At this point, ask yourself: "What is the real issue? Will the proposed action resolve it?"
I
suggested to the group member that the one-on-one meetings would not
resolve her underlying feeling of responsibility. She decided instead
to ask the group for help with both the leader role and the outcomes.
It
takes a lot of courage to address a conflict, particularly with a
colleague or group. Identify the underlying issue and address it, then
agree on a time to follow up so neither party has to gather up all that
courage to initiate another conversation.
